I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
