I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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