brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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