I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
