You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
