I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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