he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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