I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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