dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
