I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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