Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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