I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
