woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
