Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
