I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
