Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
