did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
