It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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