just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
