i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
