I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize