My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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