Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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