Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
