Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
