Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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