could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize