Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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