someone get that fucking seahorse.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
