I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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