"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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