So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
