I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
