clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In other news, I just burned my penis
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
