my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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