my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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