either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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