i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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