Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
