Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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