Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
