tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
