Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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