I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
