Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
