Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize