Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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