I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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