what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
