Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
