If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I will pee on everything he values.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
