And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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