you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
worst night to have a conscience
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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