I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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