We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
