i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
