i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize