dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
