im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
