It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
