i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize