Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
