There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
