white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
