is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
