If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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