Who wears a wallet chain?!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
