oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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