Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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