if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
