Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
